she's gone.

I'm going to miss her more than anything.

i think i may have just found that person.

fuck sobriety, fuck relationships.

single,
on choice.

i don't have time to say much, except for i did really good with my grades last semester, still been working hard, and i'm 18 in less than two months.

bout to go chill out with a few friends then work in the morning-wee!

more words later :p

I've made some progress...

with not drinking as much.

"are you sure you don't want a beer?" "don't go cold turkey." "want a swap?" "you don't need to stop."

all answers are forms of the ever so universal word "no."

I never thought saying no would feel so nice, so in control.
I never thought even those who usually drink right beside me would support me..
let alone predict me turning it down, since it's become the norm.

God, it feels great.
Even a few people that I've lost contact with have seemed to understand,
and that on it's own makes me feel awesome.

Although my mind is still so cloudy... i'm starting to find my space again...
Bad part is, I need to do some spring cleaning, and some refurnishing because i'm honestly a mess.
Tommorrow marks day 3 this week.
And wednesdays used to be my friday in the middle of the week.
For once, I am actually glad my dad said the things he said, and decide the things he did.
It helped to push me.
I was getting out of control.
Pissing the bed, puking violently and not remembering, yelling and fighting....to leaving my shoes in teh wrong spot and leaving a tv dinner in the microwave.
Tommorrow however will be my second, sober wednesday...in a long time.

thanks.

Currently Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood By Koren Zailckas see related

It's crazy how far everyone's gotten, or shall I say, how not very far they've gotten in some cases. Jess, I agree with you. Haha I'd comment but you disabled them, I should probably too just because no one used this shit anyways. It's kind of nice though, not havin the whole world in your business, and yet still have a little space to say whatever I want.

Sobriety is much harder than I imagined it to be. Day number two and I must say I'm proud of myself, may all just sound stupid to most people, but unless they're falling into addiction they just really don't understand, and that's nothing to be ashamed about, I wish I still felt that way. I've been on a drunken journey for the past month and a half, every night, always had something. Work or not. I'm not drinking on weekdays, and I'm gonna try to cut down. It's not so pleasing when you do it just to ease past everything. Sure, I've still been doin good at school and stuff, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been taking a toll. I want real happiness, not artificial. Plus I need to be considerate of things going on with my family right now, with my grandparents being extremely sick and well on their way to things I'd rather not speak of.

I just need a few friends, stuff to keep me awake, and optimism on the brain.

I just bought a book and 'm gonna start reading it, it's actually about a drunken girlhood, or as it states. I'm excited to read it. Last book I read was Identical and it was amazing, as expected from Ellen.

I'm good.